last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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