If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
