last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
