I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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