Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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