its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
