Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
