Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Enjoy the penises
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
