It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
