she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
