I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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