He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
