There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
