I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I got inside last night via doggy door
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
