Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
