Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
