I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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