I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
