If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
