So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
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