Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
