I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
