During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just forgot I was standing up.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
