I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
