Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
