I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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