happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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