he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
