So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
