My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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