therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
