he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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