I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
