My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
