it wasn't lemon gatorade
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
