I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
