i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
