"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
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