oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
