i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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