the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
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