I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
