haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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