yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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