she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
