just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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