he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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