I accidentally had phone sex last night
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
