When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
