There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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