so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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